From the bottom of my broken heart
by Lunar deity
Summary: Arya is shy and bullied. She hates Forks and Paul hates her. Werewolf's love is never easy. It's possessive, controlling. Can she handle him? Paul/OC
1. Chapter 1

**What am I doing? I have two other stories that I should be writing right now. Late night lemonade and where my demons hide.. **

**I can't get this story out of my head and I just HAVE to write it. _English isn't mother tongue_ so There is some errors. Sorry about that.**

**Hope you'll love my story and I know this is a cliche but I don't care.**

**Oh and Paul will be possessive in this story. **

* * *

_**Welcome to my life.**_

_**Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming**_

_**No you don't know what it's like**_  
_**When nothing feels all right**_  
_**You don't know what it's like**_  
_**To be like me**_

* * *

One year.

365 days.

8760 hours.

525 600 minutes.

31 536 000 seconds.

Till I move from this shit hole they call Forks. School starts today and it's my final year. My senior year. Now I can rule the school and walk like I own the place as if it would be my god given right to do that. I should have bunch of friends but I don't. I should go there and be with my best friend and laugh until I couldn't breathe. I should mock the teachers and make fun of the younger students'.

Some say that I'm invisible but I'm not. I would like to be invisible so I could hide and no one would pay attention to me. I go to school at the reservation but I'm white. My mother married a Native American three years ago and I had to move from Seattle to here. I loved Seattle. I loved the feeling that I could walk along the streets and no one would know me. But when I moved here everybody knew me already. They had already judged me before school even started. I know I'm an outsider and everyone around me keep reminding me of that.

I'm like snow white but I'm in the wrong movie.

Sorry Pocahontas.

I miss my dwarfs.

I've put up with this shit for two years now and this is the last year. Then I won't even speak about Forks anymore. I'd use phrases like hell hole or the devil's fork.

I'm so funny that I make myself laugh sometimes.

I killed my car's engine and rested my forehead against the cool, black steering wheel. I took a deep breath. Then again.

Just breathe. I ordered myself.

Calm down there's nothing you haven't seen before. Just overly hormonal teenagers. Only thing you have to do is ignore them and pretend they don't exist. It's easy. You've done it before. My hands were shaking and my heart was going crazy.

La push high is a small school and everybody knows everyone. Where you live, who's your brother or sister or your parents and they know everything about you. A typical small town I suppose. When I came here I thought it would be easy to find friends and everyone would come to talk to me.

No one did.

I opened my car's door and grabbed my black bag from the backseat. It was raining like always in forks and I didn't bother with the umbrella. I don't care if my hair gets wet. It's a mess anyway. I just hope that the rain doesn't ruin my makeup.

La push high is completely white concrete building. It has dark brown doors and above them is the school's name.

The gates of hell.

Told ya I'm funny.

I opened the door and stepped in. I brushed my dark brown hair away from my face and went to my locker. A bunch of girls came to my direction and they giggled and whispered something. They all had black, perfectly curled hair. Their lips were glossy and they were wearing short skirts.

I hate lip gloss.

I shrunk back and grabbed my phone from my bag and put headphones on. I turned the music so loud that I couldn't hear what they said.

I rested my head against the locker and breathed. I can't do this. There's always a moment in one's life that it's not if you want to do it but you just can't do it. I opened my locker and threw my books there. Only thing that keeps me going is hope that when this year is over I'm going to leave.

Maybe I'll marry someone rich with a Lamborghini and a private jet. I could totally be a trophy wife or a wag.

The bell rang and I walked through the crowded hallway. I kept my gaze firmly on the ground and then I ran into a wall. The wall was warm and muscular but very hard. I looked up. The wall was wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt. The wall had long black hair and the wall was handsome. With high cheek bones and defined jaw.

Oh shit.

Why me?

It was Paul Lahote. He looked livid like he wanted to kill me. His almost black eyes looked angry. They consumed me for a moment. I was pressed against him for a while and then he looked at me like I was nothing and then he pushed me away and I lost my balance and almost fell down and then he walked away with long steps. He's taller. Much taller than everyone else. He towered everyone and he was muscular. He used to be this skinny boyish guy but now he looked like a college student.

What the hell happened to him?

And the song ended and I heard what Jared, his best friend said to him.

''Dude you don't have a thing for the pale face, do you?'' I didn't move from the wall. I heard his cruel, deep laughter.

''Do you think I'm that pathetic?'' He said loudly. I didn't hear what Jared answered.

I didn't want to. I walked away quickly.

My first class was math. Oh great. I went to class and sat down. I opened my math book and took a pen. The teacher came in and everyone sat down.

''Page six.'' Mrs. Meraz said.

I hate math. I never understand it or maybe I don't study enough.

I always sit alone because no one wants to sit next to me. Group works are my worst nightmare. There's nothing worse than when no one wants you in their group and you walk around like a lost puppy.

I looked forward and almost puked. Paul was sucking his girlfriend's earlobe. Sara giggled and pushed him away. I quickly looked away. Fantastic. Now I have to look at them dry-fucking each other the whole fucking year. Just my luck. I saw his hand caressing her leg. Up and down. I saw his muscles in his arm and it was hypnotizing. Then he whispered something to her and she giggled again.

''Paul Lahote, anything you want to share?'' Paul leaned back and crossed his legs. His whole posture screamed of arrogance. I didn't see his face but I'm sure he was smirking. It's his thing.

''Nope.'' He chuckled. I saw him ran his fingers through his long, shiny hair.

The teacher wrinkled her forehead and looked at him behind her red glasses.

''Go and take a seat next to Arya.'' Oh shit please, please don't be so cruel to me. If you don't want me to die then don't do this to me.

I looked at her with puppy eyes. No one can resist my puppy eyes.

Can you see them?

''What?'' Paul almost shouted. '' You can't be serious. I won't sit next to that fucking goth.'' Ouch that hurt. I looked at my hands. It's not the first time someone says stuff like that but it hurts like hell.

''Language!'' Mrs. Meraz was livid. ''If you don't then you will fail this class.'' She turned around and started writing.

Are you even human? Probably not or you just hate me like everyone else.

Paul groaned and grabbed his stuff from his desk and then he sat next to me. I stiffened immediately. I didn't look at him or acknowledged him in anyway. I knew better than that. He'd probably kill me if I would say hi to him. Or worse.

''Fucking freak.'' He muttered under his breath and I shrunk back. My heart was pounding like crazy and it was because of him.

I don't want to hear his cruel words.

I don't want to hear his laughter.

I don't want to see his black eyes.

I ignored what the teacher said. I'm not going to understand what she's saying anyway. Teachers' never ask me anything because I don't like answering and usually I just mutter something and they don't hear anything. I'm shy. Like painfully shy. Not the cute kind of way but I'm socially awkward. I always envy those temperamental people who are funny and witty. But I'm not blessed with that gift.I should be a top student but I'm only average. Painfully average. I'm the queen of average. Painfully shy and average. My mom must be so proud.

I brushed my dark hair on my right shoulder and hid my face. This is why I like sitting alone. When I'm alone I don't have to listen to other students comments about my hair, my clothes or just how much of a freak I am.

I felt someone kick my leg and I jumped. I looked and Paul was looking at me.

''W-What?'' I stuttered.

He rolled his black eyes.

''I asked what page.'' Oh right. I looked down.

''Um, six.' I said quietly. He almost didn't hear me. He opened his book and I looked forward and started writing. I couldn't relax at all because I was waiting what he is going to say next. I tried to concentrate but it was impossible. My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop it.

The class ended and Paul left without looking back. He grabbed his girlfriend's hand and pulled her up and kissed her passionately. I took a shaky breath and grabbed my stuff and moved past them.

One year. Only one year.

One year too much.

365 days too much.

Mu next class started and I sat alone. Lunch would be next.

I hate lunch.

I really do.

I can almost feel the looks I get when I sit alone. I used to eat in the library but then the teachers' forbid it and now I'm stuck. I sat down on an empty table. The ''popular'' gang sat other side of the cafeteria near the window.

Sometimes I hate my mom for marrying John but then I see how happy she is and I want her to be happy. I grabbed my phone and texted to my best friend. Mary lives I Seattle and I've known her since I was five. I hate the fact that I can't be near her.

Wonder if hell is actually in Forks. I texted. I ate my sandwich and waited her to answer.

Lol who is the devil then?

I smiled a little.

Everyone.

I stood up and went to my class. La Push high is one long hallway and it's impossible to avoid someone- Sometimes I hide in the bathroom until the bell rings. Bathroom is my safe.

I wonder if my mom would let me finish my year in Forks high. I could go home and beg and cry my mom to let me go to Forks high but I know she would just shrug and say that it wouldn't make a difference. I would still get bullied.

Thanks mom love ya too.

''Eww look who is coming.'' I heard Paul's girlfriend say. Everyone around her laughed. I hate going through hallways and crowds give me an anxiety attack. My stomach dropped.

They always laugh. I resisted the urge to cry and run to the bathroom. I pulled my black hoodie tighter around me and walked faster. One who says that running doesn't help anything doesn't know anything.

It does. And after this school year I'm going to leave. Though I could go university of mars and it still wouldn't be far enough. Maybe I should apply to Europe. England or Germany would be nice.

''Fucking goths. They are everywhere nowadays.'' I heard Jared Cameron mutter under his breath. I looked down at my big black hoodie and black ripped jeans and sighed. If this makes me a goth then so be it.

* * *

I opened the front door and threw my bag to the furthest corner.

''Hi Mom.'' I shouted and walked to the kitchen.

''Oh hi honey. How was school?'' I grimaced. My mother was cooking and her blonde hair was pulled up. She was wearing a pink apron and red heels. I almost rolled my eyes at her.

''It was okay.'' I grabbed an apple and ran to upstairs. I took my red diary under my bed and started writing. It's like therapy to me. The pages are stained with tears because usually I write when I feel like crying. I don't like saying most stuff out loud because saying it makes it real.

I know it doesn't make sense.

Dear diary:

One year.

365 days.

8760 hours.

525 600 minutes.

31 536 000 seconds.

* * *

**_Do you wanna be somebody else?_**  
**_Are you sick of feeling so left out?_**  
**_Are you desperate to find something more?_**  
**_Before your life is over_**  
**_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_**  
**_Are you sick of everyone around?_**  
**_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies_**  
**_While deep inside you're bleeding_**

**_No you don't know what it's like_**  
**_When nothing feels all right_**  
**_You don't know what it's like_**  
**_To be like me_**

* * *

**Review.**

**Yours**

**Lunar deity**


	2. Just a look

**I can't wait until we get to the good stuff! Mmmm possessive Paul.. **

**I own nothing laadi laadi laa.**

**I'm not moving too fast am I...**

* * *

_**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**_

_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_  
_**This pain is just too real**_  
_**There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_**-Evanescence**_

I have two lovers. The first is ben and the other is Jerry. I'm having a pity party and only I am invited. I'm writing and eating ice cream.

Comfort eating rules. It's been two weeks since school started and it's like my own personal hell. And time goes so slowly that it's ridiculous. Every day feels like a lifetime and I hate it. I hate the same happy faces I see. I hate this place. Every time I think about school it feels like someone stabs me. It's physical pain and in the same time it's not. It's all in my head and it's not.

_I feel worthless when I'm around those people. Like I'm not enough for them and I'm the weird freak that deserves to be hated._

_Why would they want to know me? I feel like everyone there hates me. Almost everyone there gets along and then there's me. I'm on the bottom of the food chain._

I rested my head against pillow for a while. There's no point staying in bed and feel sorry for myself. Maybe I should go for a walk. I got up and took off my blue shirt and grabbed my college shirt and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself for a while. My dark hair looked lifeless and my usually hazel eyes were brown. My eyes are too small and my nose is too big. I pulled my hair up and removed my makeup.

I went downstairs and John was sitting on the coach reading newspaper. John is tall and has black, short hair. I could see few gray hairs but it suited him. He has beautiful copper skin like most of the people in La Push. He makes my mother happy and before him she dated total weirdos. You name it I've seen it.

I put shoes on and my red jacket.

''Mom I'm going for a walk.'' I shouted as I opened the front door. I breathed fresh air for a while. It was raining like always in Forks and I'm used to it. I love the rain actually. It soothes me and it's like my personal lullaby. The only thing I love about Forks is its nature because it's so green in here and the beach is near and we live in the edge of the forest. Sounds like some Disney film.

''Okay. Be careful.'' She shouted from the kitchen.

''Always.'' I shouted back and closed the door. My mom is worried when I go for a walk. Not much happens in here but lately there's been a lot going on. Bears have been seen in La Push and even Emily Young was attacked by a bear. Her once beautiful face is now half covered by scars. I wasn't really scared of bears because I have always thought they probably were more scared of me than I am of them. I still try to stay near the house and not go too far to the forest.

I walked through the dense forest and enjoyed the feeling of a good walk. We live near the beach so I have to walk through the forest and I'm on the beach. I looked around and heard birds' singing. This is my therapy besides writing. I usually avoid the first beach because it's usually crowded and students from school hang out there. I have to see them at school and I don't want to see them out side school as well. I sat down on the edge of the forest and looked down to the beach. The wind was cold and strong. It was oddly salty. I looked at the water and the waves.

Then I heard a noise behind me and I turned around to look. I didn't see anything and I stood up and took few steps backwards. What if it's a bear? Why would a bear be so near La push's beach? My heart was pounding in my chest and I could almost taste my fear. Then I saw a grey tail between the trees and turned around and ran to the beach as quickly as I could.

* * *

I'm professional at avoiding people. I truly am. In a school where is only one hallway I can avoid people like I was born to do it. It's a gift and I know it. I usually predict where people I don't want to see are and I'm a coward and I usually run to the bathroom or to the library.

I guess running is my thing.

But today I wasn't so lucky.

Well let's be honest, I'm never lucky.

I had to park next to Jared's car and popular gang was standing outside. When I mean popular gang I mean Jared, Paul, Sara and Lily and bunch of other people who hang out with them. The main devil-meaning Paul isn't with them.

I mentally groaned when I looked outside and they were all standing there. I opened my car's door with shaky hands and grabbed my bag. I started walking quickly to the school. I saw them looking at me and I cursed myself for not coming earlier.

''Ugh, nice clothes.'' I heard Sara say from behind me. I kept my gaze on the ground. The weird thing is that Paul hasn't been at school for two weeks. He disappeared after the first day and the he rumor has it that he's in a gang and is now using drugs and Sam Uley made him do it because someone saw him dragging shaking Paul to the woods before bunching him. He probably beat the shit out of him.

Now that's a sight I want so see.

I'm not mean, am I?

I went to my blue locker and struggled with the lock. It didn't open and I hit it with my fist.

Stupid piece of shit. I cursed it under my breath and hit it again.

Then it opened and I sighed in relief. I threw my books there and looked at my motivation picture. It was a picture of London. I closed it and I looked up.

There was Paul. And not his usual freakishly scary kind of way but now he looked almost dangerous. He was somehow darker and angrier. He looked at everyone with his black eyes like he wanted them dead. I could see his pecs through his blue tight t-shirt and his shoulders looked broader and I could see the muscles in his arm. His hair was shorter and it was messy. Few weeks ago he looked more boyish and now he looked like he was 25 year-old. He looked like a man. A dangerous man- he's the man my mother warned me about.

Even the way he walked was different. It was more confident and smoother, predatory. Everyone jumped out of his way when he walked.

It would've been hilarious I wasn't about to crap my pants.

Some stopped and stared at him and then started whispering something. Did he ate some miracle medication or drink something? Because no one changes that much in two weeks.

What's the name of this witchcrafty?

Then I noticed how close he was and I turned around quickly, closing my mouth and wished my locker could open and eat me.

Oh look at that ass. His jeans hugged his perfect ass perfectly. No, Paul fucking Lahote and the word perfection don't match and I just didn't drool because of him. He's done nothing else than made your life living hell Arya.

Stop.

Just stop.

I should go to class Which is math. Where I sit next to Paul who looks even deadlier than before and probably could kill me with his little finger.

Somebody shoot me. Please. It would be painless and I think Paul likes to kill his victims slowly.

Maybe I could leave and say my mom that I wasn't feeling too good.

My hands shook as I walked to class. It's not too late to run away. But he won't kill me in front of the teacher.

At least I hope he can't kill me.

I opened the door and looked immediately at Paul. He looked like he was sleeping; he was laying on the desk and rested his head against his arms. He looked huge and I somehow managed to move past him to my seat. I sat down and looked at him for a while. He looked almost peaceful and I saw a thick pair of lashes frame his eyes. He had black bags under his eyes and he looked tired, even when he was sleeping.

I quickly looked away and opened my bag.

''Well hello ugly, aren't you going to say good morning?'' I heard him suddenly say. I didn't say anything to him. I took my math book from my bag and opened it. Then I brushed my hair on my right shoulder so I could hide from him.

His voice was lower and manlier.

''It's rude to ignore someone who is talking to you, ugly.'' He has a lot of nicknames for me and apparently ugly is his favorite today. I could feel him looking at me and I wanted to look at him as well. It felt like I needed to look at him.

_Look at him. Look at him._ There was a voice inside of me that whispered it seductively. _You know you want to._

But my eyes were glued to my book.

I still ignored him and tried to concentrate on my math homework but it was hard because I could feel his dark eyes on me and it sent shivers down my spine. I could feel the tears and my eyes tingled. I tried to push them back. I will not cry in front of Paul, I'd rather escape by using the window. Then I felt it; One traitorous tear dropped and ran down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

Paul chuckled.

''Are you actually crying?'' He was amused. '' God, you really are pathetic.'' He shook his head and a small smile graced his lips. I ignored him and started drawing.

I just cried in front of Paul Lahote. I wish the floor would open and swallow me whole or if someone would shoot me that'd be great.

Then the teacher walked in. Everyone sat down, including Sara, Paul's girlfriend. This is like my own personal hell, where everything exists only to make me suffer. I'm living in my own nightmare.

''Good morning everyone.'' She said cheerfully. Everyone just groaned something back. ''We are starting a group project tomorrow and you'll be doing it in pairs. I'll give you the assignment tomorrow.'' I mentally groaned. ''You'll be working with the person next to you.'' Now Paul groaned and hit his forehead against the desk.

''Can I switch?'' He asked and everyone turned around to look at him. I could feel they eyes on us. I blushed.

''No you cannot.'' Mrs. Meraz said and turned around to write something on the board.

''Why do I have to work with her?'' I could hear the disgust in his voice when he said ''her.''

''Because I said so. Now I'll be right back.'' The teacher left the class.

Sara turned around immediately and took Paul's hand in her own.

''I'm sorry you have to work with her.'' She rolled her eyes at me and I averted her gaze.

''I would rather work with you.'' Paul murmured and then leaned in for a kiss. She giggled and whipped her hair on her other shoulder and I could hear the kissing noises. Then he ran his fingers through her hair but it got stuck on the half way because of the hairspray.

Oh I'm sorry I thought this was math and not sex ed.

''I've missed you.'' She whispered. You see, this is why I usually listen to music. I tried to draw something.

''I've missed you too.'' He said against her pink lips. I rolled my eyes now and sighed.

''Something you want to say Pale face?'' Paul almost growled at me. I just shook my head. I could feel the tears again. I hate that I'm so weak. I don't how to fight back. Running and hiding comes naturally so that's what I usually do. I survive.

Though I should be living.

Then the teacher came back and Sara turned around.

When the bell rang I ran out of the class before Paul could get up. I went straight to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and locked the door. My eyes were red and watery and I couldn't help the tears. I hate that I'm so weak. Forks have made me weak and people in La Push. I don't know how to laugh anymore, I know that sounds weird but it sounds so lifeless and joyless.

I heard the door open and few girls came in.

''Oh my god did you see Paul's face when the teacher said he had to work with Arya?'' I heard Lily's high voice.

''I know! He looked like he was about to throw up.'' I felt like throwing up.'' Well I wouldn't want to work with her. She's so weird.'' Sara said back to her. Why can't they just leave me alone? Live and let live, or something.

''Hey wanna go shopping today?'' And with that they left. I opened my bag and took my headphones. I can't go to class looking like this. And I really don't want to stay in school either. I waited until the class started and opened the bathroom door and looked around. No teachers. I turned on the music.

I walked to the main door.

Then I felt a warm hand grab me by the wrist and turn me around. My heart jumped out of my chest and I knew that chest. I knew those pecs. It was my tormentor from my personal hell. Paul. I tried to free myself and stepped back but then he pulled my headphones off. It hurt a little.

Paul had never hit me or do anything to hurt me physically but maybe this was the first time. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the pain.

''That music pisses me off.'' I heard his raspy voice close to my ear. I pushed him with my free hand but then his strong hand circled it and I was helpless. How could he hear the music? It wasn't that loud.

There was the voice again.

Sweet and tempting.

Look at him. Look at him.

''Look at me.'' Paul suddenly said and then he sniffed me. He fucking sniffed me.

''No.'' I whined and looked everywhere but him.

I shook my head and tried to free my hands. I thought about kicking him where it hurts the most.

Then he growled. It was animalistic and came deep from his chest. It sent shivers down my spine. He pushed me against the lockers and his muscular chest was pressed against mine. I could feel his famous pecs against my chest. Then he trapped my hands above my head and I felt his warm breath against my cheek. My heart was beating painfully fast.

This isn't happening. This isn't happening.

''Fucking look at me.'' He growled again and I could feel vibrations against my chest. I felt like I was trapped, I was his prey. My back hurt and the lock was pressed against my upper back.

Then my hazel eyes met his black ones. For a second there was a golden circle in his eyes. I was dreaming. That's it, this is some weird fucked up nightmare where nothing makes any sense. I'm sure I'll wake up soon and everything will be alright.

His jaw dropped a little and he looked almost shocked. His hold tightened and then he let go of my left wrist and pushed my dark locks behind my ear. His warm hand touched my cheek. My eyes were glued to his and I didn't want to look away. His eyes weren't black; they were deep brown. He leaned closer and his hand almost caressed my neck.

Then his jaw tighten and his hand circled my neck. He was disgusted and his eyes were now hard and cold.

''Fuck you.'' He spat at me and hit the locker next to me. Then he walked away with long steps. I stayed against the locker for a while until my head cleared and I walked to my car like a zombie. I opened the door and drove home.

I stayed in my car and tried to get my head around the fact that Paul has gone crazy. Crazy and using some kind of witchcrafty because nothing else explains those muscles and the weird growling thing. He actually growled like a dog or a wolf.

I love dogs but I would kick Paul-dog and maybe tie him to a fence and leave him there. Animal cruelty is a horrible thing but I think Peta would understand.

Or maybe he growls because he is crazy.

I opened the door and threw my bag on the corner.

I need my lovers.

I need Ben.

I need Jerry.

* * *

**You used to captivate me by your resonating light**  
**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**  
**Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams**  
**Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me**

* * *

**Review**

**Yours**

**Lunar Deity**


	3. Dark eyes

**There you go lovelies, another chapter.**

**Some Paul and some angst.**

**Again I do not own dark and insanely hot Paul. Sadly..**

**_English isn't my mother language_ so there are some errors I know, please be kind I don't handle bad reviews well. **

* * *

**But my dreams they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free**

**No one knows what its like**  
**To feel these feelings**  
**Like i do, and i blame you!**  
**No one bites back as hard**  
**On their anger**  
**None of my pain and woe**  
**Can show through****  
**

**-Limp bizkit**

* * *

I'm a coward. Not a wise coward but a mother of all cowards. A normal person would report what Paul did but I'm doing something else. I'm under my blanket, hugging my grey teddy bear to my chest. I've locked all the doors and windows and double checked them. I have my mobile phone near me and I resisted the urge to grab a knife from the kitchen. Just to be sure. I'm afraid that Paul will come knocking on my door and finish whatever he started.

I_'m safe. Nothing can touch me. Paul can't eat me. I'll just go to school and avoid him and don't be alone with him. Nothing bad will happen. He can't do anything to you if you are not alone with him._

I hope I don't see him anymore. Wishful thinking I know but Paul's behavior doesn't make any sense. I can deal with the nicknames and all that stuff but I can't deal with this Paul. I can't go there and wait for a day he goes crazy again. It's like I'm standing on thin ice and I'm waiting for the moment when I fall.

I thought about his eyes. I always thought they were black but his eyes are dark, deep brown and apparently his eyes change color. Or my mind is playing tricks on me. No one's eyes change color. Maybe I hit my head when Paul pushed me against the locker.

And then there was his body, his is freakishly muscular body.

And people said he had mono.

I heard a car on my driveway. I pulled my blanket tighter around me and hoped it belonged to my mom or John. I heard the door open and recognized my mom's steps.

''Arya, are you home?'' My mom shouted. I sat up and wiped my tears away and also threw my teddy bear away.

''Yeah I'm here.'' I shouted back and my voice cracked. My mom opened the door and she looked worried. She didn't say anything at first but I know she knows that I've been crying my eyes out. My mom always knows, I don't know how, but she does.

''Are you okay?'' She sat on the bed next to me and touched my cheek. Her hand was soft, like a feather.

''I'm fine, I just didn't feel alright, that's all.'' I shrugged.

''Did something happen at school?'' I tried to smile a little but failed miserably.

''Nothing new.'' I'm a liar and a coward. Her blue eyes made me want to cry all over again. I wanted her to hold me, to comfort me, to tell me everything's okay.

She read my mind and hugged me and I inhaled her scent. She smelled like roses and fresh clothes. She smelled like a mom should smell like.

''I'm sorry.'' Don't be. It's not your fault.

''I know. '' Then she pulled away and stood up.

''It's they're loss, remember that. ''She kissed my forehead.'' Did you eat yet?''

I shook my head.

''I'm gonna cook something for us, okay?'' She left the room before I got the chance to say anything.

It's like she's cooking last supper for me. Tomorrow I'm facing the devil himself, though I never thought devil could be so muscular and well, attractive. He reminds me of angles but inside he is the devil.

I should be a poet.

I am out of my mind. I just thought Paul reminds me of angels.

I want to see him flying only in hell.

You see, born to be a poet.

It's ridiculous that I think about his looks. I hate him from the bottom of my heart. I hope life is cruel to him. I hope he and his minions will suffer.

Karma is a bitch.

I just hope karma will fuck him up soon. Possibly today, so he won't be able to come to school tomorrow or maybe he will come to his senses and leave me alone.

Just leave me alone.

* * *

I woke up at seven am. I didn't get much sleep and when I slept, I dreamt of black eyes and russet skin. I was running and panic surrounded my heart and mind.

I don't want to go there. I just can't go there. I can't go to school and face everything. I want to hide from the world and never come out. I want to hide from Paul; I want to hide from everyone. Every cell in my body is telling me to run and never look back, run so far that La Push is only a memory. I can hide and bury that memory. I can bury the pain.

I got up but my legs felt like bricks. My head was fuzzy and all I wanted to do is go back to bed and stay there for the rest of my life. I got my black skinny jeans from the floor and grabbed a black shirt from the chair. It's a good thing my favorite color is black and almost every clothe I have is so I don't have to worry about if my clothes match. Black is good with everything.

I applied my foundation and eyeliner and brushed my dark hair.

Maybe I am a goth or I just like black. Black is good, black is dark and sexy and not like white, black is not pure. I don't want to be pure, I don't want to be innocent. I want to be bad, I want to be sexy.

_I know something else that is black. Your tormentor's eyes. Who is bad, who is sexy. He'd probably burn your house down just because he felt like it._

I like bad boys.

Oh shut up I ordered myself.

Maybe I go completely nuts and they send me back to Seattle to live with my dad, though my dad has a new family. His new wife, pardon my French, is this upper-class trophy poodle bitch. Every time I go to there to spend time with my dad the poodle is nagging something to me or their horrendous kids are running around the house. I know I should like love them but I can't stand kids. I truly can't. Maybe I'll talk to them when they're older and wiser and they drool less.

Or not.

I choose not.

I'm not bitter that they ''stole'' my father. Okay I am and I know I'm a bitch but sometimes I just wish they didn't exist and I could be with my father like I used to be. Just him and me and not poodle and her pups. It's cruel that I wish they've never been born.

My mom says it only makes me human. She doesn't trust on people that are completely unselfish.

I went to downstairs and I was alone. Mom and John were at work. I ate some bread and grabbed my keys from the table. I went to my car and opened the door. I love my car, it's a BMW M6.

I guess it's time to face the music.

My hands were shaking again and I felt weak. The closer I got the more sick I felt. It felt like someone was chewing my stomach and my bones.

I parked my car and started walking quickly to the main door. There were few students and I didn't see Paul at all and felt relieved.

I went straight to my class, which was physic.

Paul wasn't at school. I didn't saw him at all but somehow I didn't feel relieved. It just meant I would have to face him tomorrow. Then there was our group project. Our teacher forgot to give us the assignment and I sat alone again. I loved every minute of it.

The weirdest part was that Jared wasn't at school either.

I walked there like a zombie and tried to stay away from the popular girls. Somehow I managed to do that as well.

Maybe this is my lucky day.

Soon I was home again and I was laying on my coach watching The Middle. I have a crush on Axl, I just want to run my fingers through his curly hair. That attitude is just delicious somehow. Maybe I have a fetish on jocks. I don't know why but those uniforms get me all exited and tingly.

I need to clear my head and I don't want to stay inside anymore. I'm sick of looking at these walls and I'm tired of writing about it or killing my brain by watching the young and the restless. My guilty pleasure I guess.

Everything will just go worse if I stay inside and worry about tomorrow or the day when Paul is actually at school.

I shouted to my mom that I was going for a walk. I usually go to the beach but it's too risky because Paul and others might be there. I'm going to stay in the forest. What a stupid idea, last time I was running for my dear life and now I'm here again in the middle of the forest. I love the quietness, the calmness. That's the reason I like walking in the forest. It soothes me and I love listening to the birds. My mind is at peace.

I miss Mary though. I see her every couple of months but it's not enough. She's my guardian angel I suppose. I don't what I'd do without her. Every time I'm having a bad day I can just call her and after that I feel better. She has a blonde hair and bright blue eyes and she's shorter than me. But she's cute, girly and tiny. But she eats like a horse and swears like a sailor. It's funny though, everyone assumes she is a good girl, almost angelic, and then she opens her mouth. Unfortunately her bad mouth is rubbing off on me. Now I swear like a sailor, well I swear a lot in my mind and when I'm talking to her. I'm too much of a pussy to swear in front of my mom.

My phone rang and it was Mary.

''Hey shorty.'' I answered.

''Call me shorty one more time and I'll fucking rip you a new one.'' I couldn't help but to laugh.

''Love ya too honey. So what's up?'' I sat down and leaned against a tree.

''I'm just wondering when will you come to Seattle? ''

''Maybe next month… There's this ball at my school, you know like a tribal dance party and I really don't want to go so maybe then.'' It's an annual thing and I went there last year. Biggest mistake of my life. Everyone looked at me like I had two heads and a tail. Then people at my school started yelling that I didn't belong there and I should leave. I ran away crying. Not a good night. I ended up eating two jars of Ben and Jerry's and I didn't leave the house for a week. After a week my mom almost kicked me out of the house so I had to pull myself together.

If there's something I can do in this life, it's running away in high heels.

''So you're using me as an excuse?'' Her pitchy voice sounded offended but I knew better.

''Of course I do.''

''So proud of you.''

''See you then. Bye shorty.''

''Hey!'' I heard her she chuckled.'' Bye baby.''

The tree I was leaning on felt uncomfortable against my back and neck. My jeans were starting to get wet and I was cold. In La Push it's always cold, the wind is cold and constant. It's raining and you barely see the sun. No wonder people are so depressed in here.

Or maybe it's just me.

Then I got this weird feeling that someone was watching me. I stood up and looked around. No one was there but I felt it in the back of my neck. My hair stood up and shivered. I help my phone closer to chest and tried to comfort myself. I'm safe, I have my phone.

I quickly turned around but then I stopped. I heard a deep chuckle behind me and turned around slowly. The chuckle was again; full of promises and only one person in the world can do it. No one else's chuckle is full of dark promises.

I turned.

First I saw a half-naked Native American standing few meters from me. He didn't have a shirt, only dark, ripped jeans. They hung dangerously low on his hips, I saw the delicious V and drooled a little.

What? I am a teenage girl, though I should be disgusted because it's Paul.

His hair was messy and wet but it was his eyes that caught my attention. Again they were dark and inviting, I could drown in his eyes.

Why do I want to drown in his eyes? What the hell is wrong with me? Did I hit my head or something? is this some ulterior universe where Paul is hot and I want to jump on his bones like a horny god? Am I in heat? I don't feel hot.

He was leaning against a tree and a smile graced his lips as he he was looking at me. I was frozen underneath his gaze, he was pinning me in place just by looking at me.

I took a shaky breath.

''Why are you here?'' His voice was cruel again, there was no compassion or kindness in it.

It snapped me from my trance and I turned around and started walking away. No I'm not doing this right now.

Then I felt a hot hand circle my wrist and turn me around. Paul was standing close to me and then I smelt it. The most sweetest, intoxicating smell in the world. He smelt like what dreams are made of. He smelt musky and freshly cut trees and wind. I sniffed again and his smell went straight to my brain, turning it to pink Paul mush.

I shook my head again and tried to free my right hand, again he didn't budge. His grip only tightened.

He growled again, but this time it echoed through the forest, sounding so much scarier. I avoided my gaze and looked at his pecs instead. My heart was pounding my chest and I had the urge to run for my life. His skin was flawless and smooth, he didn't even have goosebumps. Few freckles graced his arms and his chest was hairless.

I want to kiss his freckles.

No wait what?

''Answer me.'' He commanded.

I pulled my hand again but his grip only tightened. It hurt and his fingers were crushing my wrist.

''I-I was walking.'' I said with a mousy voice. He let go of my hand and I stepped back immediately. He looked at something behind me and narrowed his eyes.

Then I made a run for it. I turned around and started running home.

I ran as fast as I could but then muscular arms encircled me and stopped me. I was pulled against his chest and my hands were trapped against my chest.

I struggled but his arms only tightened. It was difficult to breathe.

I felt so small in his arms. I felt his muscular thighs against mine.

Then he turned me around again and pushed me against a tree. He towered above me and his one hand trapped mine and pulled them up again.

It was like a Déjà vu except now I was alone with him. No one could hear me screaming.

'' Do you really think you can run from me?'' He said and I felt his hot breath on my face. Then he pulled my chin up so I had to meet his eyes.

''You are so pathetic. You don't belong here.'' He murmured.

''I know.'' I whimpered and my legs almost gave in.

Then I felt his hand touching my cheek lightly, tracing my jaw and cheekbones. His touch was pure fire and I wanted to melt against his heat.

Also I wanted to slap his idiotic face and push him away. My body was a traitor and it answered to his every touch. When he touched me my heart sped up, when I smelt him I wanted to eat him.

But mostly I was scared. I was scared about what he's going to do next. I wanted things to go back to what they were and I didn't want Paul pinning me against a tree. I can handle the shouts, the teasing, the tripping but I can't handle this as well.

''Don't come to the woods ever again.'' He was shaking a little and my body shook along with his.

''Why not?'' I managed to say. He his grip was relentless and my hands tingled and ached. Then his other hand grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled it downwards so my eyes met his again. I winced in pain but he didn't let go of my hair.

I was waiting for black eyes but there was a golden circle in them again. He was looking hungrily at my neck.

Then the golden circle disappeared.

''Because I fucking said so!'' He shouted at me and I whimpered.'' There are dangerous things in these woods.''

_More dangerous than you? Seriously I'd take my chances with a bear rather than you. A bear would kill me and eat me and not pin me against a tree and torture me for the rest of the year._

I thought bitterly.

''Do not come to the forest.'' He said slowly, emphasizing every word. ''And remember that I'll find out.'' He touched my neck again and I shivered, my body answered to his call. My body is traitorous bitch. He chuckled. Then I heard a howl and Paul lifted his head and listened to it. Then he let go of my hands and pushed me to the ground.

I fell and managed to land on my side. My hands scratched against the forest floor. I gasped in pain and my hips hurt, my palms ached and my wrists tingled. But the worst kind of pain was in my chest, it felt like someone was pulling my heart out.

Paul hadn't moved and he was looking down at me. I thought I saw pity in his eyes but it was loath.

''Why you? Of all people.'' He murmured, mostly to himself. Then he turned around and took a few long steps. Then he stopped and turned his head to my direction.

''Go home Pale Face.'' Then he ran away and the trees hid him from my sight.

I just laid there for a while, looking at trees. How easy it would be to be a tree, just stand in one spot and not have to worry about other trees. No tree would harass another tree.

Then some logger would come and cut me. Then I would be a house or paper.

I'm losing it.

Then I heard another howl and it was so much closer than the last one. I quickly got up and started walking quickly to my house.

I rubbed my wrists together. My wrists were purple, there were five marks on where he had held my wrists. I pulled my sleeve down and noticed some blood on it. I looked at my palm and it was bloody. It was oddly fascinating.

I could see my house now but I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want them to see me like this; on the verge of a breaking down.

I dropped myself on the ground.

And allowed myself to cry.

* * *

**No one knows what its like**  
**To be mistreated, to be defeated**  
**Behind blue eyes**  
**No one knows how to say**  
**That they're sorry and don't worry**  
**I'm not telling lies**

* * *

**I meant to update sooner but _Fresh meat_ and _Birdsong_ are owning my soul! Look them up and you'll see why. Also I've been watching the football world cup, ah I love football and the players...**

**I'll go and hide now.**

**Until next time**

**Review **

**Yours **

**Lunar Deity**


	4. Dreams are nothing on my reality

**Oh Paul...You are such a jerk. That's not the way to treat your imprint. I own nothing as always.**

** Thank you for reviewing, it makes my day.**

**XOXO**

**Gossip Girl.**

* * *

**Don't be afraid**  
**I've taken my beating**  
**I've shared what I made**

**I'm strong on the surface**  
**Not all the way through**  
**I've never been perfect**  
**But neither have you**

-**Linkin Park**

* * *

My upper back was purple. There was a huge bruise where the lock had pressed against my back. There also were bruises on my shoulder. I looked like someone had beaten the crap out of me. My palms tingled as I washed the dirt away. My wrists were the worse though. I couldn't move my left wrist at all because it hurt like hell.

It wasn't broken though.

At least I hoped it wasn't broken.

My hips were also bruised because Paul had pushed me to the ground.

Tears tingled behind my eyes.

Why doesn't this end?

I want this to stop.

Just stop.

My chest still hurt and it felt like someone was chewing my stomach. I haven't done anything to deserve this and yet this is my faith. It's like he's marking me with bruises.

I don't remember what it felt like to be happy. I want to sleep and never get up. I want to leave and never come back. I want to move on and start again.

Life is what you make it but other people make it for me.

I'm losing myself. I don't know who I am. I used to believe I was strong and independent and funny. I've always been somewhat shy and awkward but La Push made it worse.

I'm afraid to walk down the street because I might bump into someone from my school. I'm a coward and I don't like it. It's not me. This is not me. I can't live my life here, I'm suffocating. This place kills me slowly and if I stay here I'm slowly losing myself until I wake up one day completely and utterly defeated. Only one year and I'll be gone. But I won't walk away screaming fuck you all; instead I'll walk away quietly, like I was never there. I'd be only a distant memory to them.

But my mom doesn't understand. She thinks I will move to La Push when I'll finish university. She doesn't understand that why I hate La push or why I even hate going to school.

She thinks I'm strong.

I'm not strong, mom. I want to say. I used to be strong but now I feel like I'm made of glass. I'll break easily and I don't have the energy to be strong. I would love to be in Seattle right now. I would be myself, I could be free. I would be enough.

For my friends.

For my parents.

In here I'm not good enough to even have friends.

I didn't feel like crying. I'm done crying. I've run out of tears.

I took my jeans off and noticed some bruises on my knee.

Great. Is there a part in my body that's not bruised?

I turned on the water and let the warm water relax my muscles, wipe away my dried tears and dirt.

In my mind I'm somewhere else. I let my imagination take me away from here. I'm walking the streets of Berlin, I'm successful and beautiful, skinny beautiful. I'm carrying my Gucci bag and wearing my Louboutins sky high heels. A smile graces my lips and I'm happy, I'm free, I am myself.

I want to be that woman.

How I would love to be a business woman. I don't need nobody and when things get tough I'll just leave.

The world is my playground.

My shampoo smells like vanilla. The scent of vanilla is calming. The whole shower smells like vanilla and mango. My bodywash smells like mango. I love that mix.

After my shower I'm under my blanket. It's warm and comfortable. I feel safe, I'm in my happy place.

It's Saturday tomorrow and I have two days of peace and quietness. My mom and John didn't say anything when I came inside after I met Paul in the woods. I quickly ran to my room after I stopped crying.

I'm sure they didn't even hear me come in. I turned to my left side because my right side hurt. I know I'm slightly pathetic and childish but it's my right and I'll continue doing it.

It still doesn't change the fact that I'm utterly and completely fucked. My body is bruised and Paul is wrecking my life. No, he is destroying it.

I dreamt of Paul that night.

It wasn't the first night it happened.

And sure as hell it wasn't the last. Paul was gentle in my dream. He was touching almost lovingly and I didn't scream. I almost craved his touch.

''I hate him, Mary. I hate everyone. Is it too late to change schools?'' I was sitting on the kitchen floor. No one was home. Our kitchen is big, the walls are white but the microwave and the oven and even the tables are black.

''Hmm, shall we kill him by using a sword or poison?'' She joked. I heard her eating something.

''Lets use a sword, I'd get to see him suffer.'' I joked back. She laughed. I can always be myself with her. Somehow I'm not that shy with her, I laugh with her, I smile with her.

''You are cruel. Why can't you just go to Forks high? It would be easier.'' I sighed. I wish it would be that easy.

''I can't, my mom-''

''Fuck your mom. It's your fucking life and you've been miserable for years now. '' I rubbed my wrist. It still ached and the bruise was worse than yesterday. My whole wrist was purple.

''She doesn't take me seriously.'' My voice was weak, barely a whisper.

''What the hell? So you should starts cutting yourself or something so she'd take you seriously?'' She was pissed. Her voice was high and annoyed.

''I don't know. Maybe. So did you get the guy of your dreams yet?'' Mary has had a crush on this guy for ages. She stalks her at school every day. It's an art. Also I was tired of talking about myself.

''He has a girlfriend.''

''So? Are you going to let his girlfriend stand in your way? That's not the Mary I know.'' I laughed with her. I know I'm being a bitch but if it's ment to last it'll last. Though I'm sure no couple would survive if Mary wanted the guy.

''You are right. When I'm done with him he won't even remember her name.'' I know she was smiling. I'm pretty sure she had this crooked, twisted smile on her face. It's a Mary thing.

''That's the spirit.'' I heard a car and someone opened the door.''I have to go, my mom's home. Bye baby boo.'' I stood up and sat down on the chair next to me. I pulled my sleeve over my bruised wrist. My mom walked in and her blonde hair was curly and perfect. He threw her black trench jacket on the chair and opened the fridge.

''Hey Arya. Oh, we have nothing to eat.''

''Hey mom. Yeah we don't. You were supposed to go to the grocery store yesterday remember?'' She frowned and grabbed her jacket again.

''You are going with me.'' She said and opened the door for me.

''To where?'' I said slowly.

''To buy some food.'' I stood up.

''Why?'' I whined and grabbed my jacket and shoes. I avoid the grocery store. I will not go there unless I have to. Last time I went there I saw Paul's girlfriend. I tried everything to make myself invisible but wishing you were invisible doesn't make you invisible. Sadly. I wish I'd have that superpower.

''Because you've been inside the whole day.'' I followed her to the car and opened the door without a word. Before she started the engine I saw Sam Uley walking from the forest. My heart instantly dropped painfully. He looked like Paul. He was almost as tall as him and as muscular. His black hair was moist. He was wearing jeans and a tight t-shirt. My mom opened her window and I shrunk back, burying myself in my jacket.

''Hello Sam.'' My mom greeted him.

''Hi Mrs. Donald and Arya.'' I didn't look at him, just waved my hand at him. I wonder if he's going to talk about Paul. I will die if my mom finds out, because then she'll rang to his parents and to the principle and she'll make everything worse. I am already considered as a freak, I don't need them to think I'm also a snitch.

Sam doesn't know about anything, does he? I'm sure he doesn't.

I hope he doesn't.

''Is everything okay? Is Emily okay?'' I hate small talk. I really do. It's pointless and overrated and annoying.

''Yeah she's fine. I stopped by to ask if Arya would like to come to the bonfire next Friday. Everyone will be there.'' _I will not be attending because everyone will be there, you annoying piece of-_

''Arya would love to.'' I turned to look at my mom in disbelief. She was smiling brightly at me and Sam looked at me curiously.

_Oh shit._

_Oh fuck._

_No._

_What?_

_Why?_

_Motherfucker._

''Oh, no I can't. Sorry.'' I smiled a little and Sam frowned. I saw pity in his eyes. I don't need his pity. I don't want his pity.

''Why?'' My mom asked.

_Seriously mom? If you don't shut your mouth right now I will shut it for you._

''Homework…Lots of them.'' The world's best excuse.

''Nonsense. You'll go.'' She turned to look at Sam. ''She'll be there.'' I could've sworn I saw her winking at him.

''Great.'' He smiled at me. ''One of the guys will pick you up at seven.'' _Nope I can't. My whole Friday evening is booked. When I come home I'll eat Ben and Jerry's and after that I'll watch The Middle and then I'll be feeling sorry for myself till I fell asleep. There's definitely no room for a cozy bonfir_e.

''No. there's no need..I uh-Don't know if-Um I'll…make..it.'' I stuttered.

''I'm sure they'd love to give you a ride. See you on Friday.'' Yeah you do that but I don't make any promises that I'll open the door.

''I'll make sure that she'll be there. You can make some new friends there Arya.''

_No, I'll jump off a kliff._

''Have a nice day .'' Sam said and started walking back to the woods.

''Please call me Anna.'' She shouted.

''Mom, what did you do?'' I said and she gave me an innocent look. She's far from innocent.

''You'll have so much fun with them.''

''I hate them. Everyone one of them, you know that, right?'' It's no use arguing with her. She never listens. She lives in her own little world made of unicorns and thinks it'll be good for me. Maybe it's my own fault because I don't tell her about how I'm treated at school. She know I don't have friends but she doesn't know about the nicknames.

''No you don't. You've never talked to them. You will go because I already promised Sam that you'll be there. It'd be rude not to go.'' I hit my head against the seat and groaned. We were almost at the grocery store.

I didn't answer back to her. She parked the car and I started walking to the store. My mom followed opened the door for me and my head was bowed and I looked at my green, old converses. I've had them for a year now and I love them. Is it possible to love shoes? I'd marry them it was possible. My favorite shoes are high heels, though.

Stupid mom. Stupid Sam. Stupid people of this stupid town.

''Sweety, can you get the milk?'' The traitor of the century said to me. I grunted the answer to her and walked to the other side of the store. I passed mostly old people and Billy Black who was with Jacob. Jacob also looked enormous; He was very tall and muscular and his hair was short and cropped like Paul's. Are they some kind of Sam's fanclub? Do they want to look like him? Do they have a secret cult where they worship him or something? Stupid cult.

''Well hello there.'' Billy said. I stopped because he was blocking the way. I forced a smile but I'm sure it looked like a grimace.

''Hello.'' Jacob said quietly. Jacob never says hi to me. Ever. No one says hi to me. I'm air to them, well except when they are laughing at me.

''Hi.'' I whispered and tried to move past them but then Jacob stepped closer to me.

''How are you?'' He towered above me and his eyes were as dark as Paul's. I shook my head to clear it.

''I'm Fine.'' Awkward silence.

''I heard you were coming to the bonfire on Friday.'' Okay did Sam put it online? Did he ran down the street shouting ''Arya is attending to the bonfire. See the freak in person.''

''Uh, I don't know.'' Billy's smile dropped and he glanced at Jacob, who was still smiling brighter than the sun. It freaked me out.

''You should come, I'm sure you'd love it.'' Jacob finally said

I shifted uncomfortably. I moved past them, touching Jacob as I walked past them.

''Uh, I'll think about it.'' I said and walked away. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and checked my emails.

Then a shiver ran through me and skin turned to goosebumps. Someone was watching me again. I saw a tall figure on my right and turned to look.

Paul was leaning against the shelf, looking at me; his dark eyes didn't miss anything.

Is this an asshole day?

He was dressed in black; Black jeans and a black t-shirt. It hugged his chest tightly. I swallowed loudly and palms were sweaty. His hair covered his forehead and his hands were in his pockets. I quickly started walking away, avoiding him but he followed like he always does. I turned to my right and then to my left. I was ready to make a run for it but then someone grabbed me by the waist and pulled me against a hot chest. Against a rock hard, well defined chest.

His grip was bruising and his fingers dug to my waist.

''When will you learn that you can't run from me?'' His breath tickled my neck. I tried to free myself by pushing his hands away but he just laughed. I stepped on his right foot and hit him with my elbow. It felt like I had hit a brick wall.

He let go of me and I turned around to face him. He was looking at me with an amused expression. He didn't remove his eyes from me as I stepped back.

''Stay away from me.'' My voice was shaky and weak. He stepped closer to me, invading my personal space. It was a long step because he was standing right in front of me and his chest touched almost mine. I decided to hold my ground and this time I will not back down.

''I can't do that.'' He was controlling me. Like an owner controls his dog. He was pinning me in place with only a look. Looking down at me like he owns me and I should do what he says.

''Please stay away.'' I finally whispered. My legs were shaking and they felt weak. I was too scared to move. I could almost taste the adrenaline. Then he did something I didn't expect, he was almost gentle, he looked gentle.

He raised his arm slowly and then he touched my cheek. It burned and tingled and felt so wrong but in the same time so right. I wanted to rub my head against his arm like a dog. Maybe I'm turning to a dog. I listened to the brighter side of my brain and slapped his hand away.

My sleeve raised and revealed my bruised wrist. He stepped even closer and grabbed my wrist.

I cried out loud and closed my eyes. It hurt so fucking much, like my bones were broken. He immediately loosened his grip and pushed my sleeve so he could see it completely.

Okay shit just hit the fan. First Sam then Jacob and now Paul. I must be dreaming. This can't be my reality. My reality is different, I'm ignored in my reality. I'm not touched gently by Paul.

_So then it means I can control it. Okay in which way should I kill him? Maybe a meteorite would be enough._

_Meteorite._

_Meteorite._

His thumb brushed my bruises lightly, examing them. Then he took my another wrist and pulled my sleeve down to reveal my other bruised wrist. He kept it in his both hands, as if trying to cure it. I pulled my hand away but he didn't let go.

Then he sniffed and his eyes bored into mine. He pulled me closer and leaned his head closer to me. My chest touched his and his presence was intoxicating.

''Why do you smell like Jacob?'' He growled.

_Meteorite._

_Meteorite._

''Paul.'' Jacob shouted. Paul rolled his eyes and turned to look at him, pulling me with him and keeping me close, slightly behind him.

''What do you want, Black?'' Jacob shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

They were having some kind of silent conversation. I tried to free myself from Paul's grip but he didn't budge.

''Paul.'' I hissed and kicked him.

''Just let her go.'' Jacob hissed and Paul growled again but now it was quiet and constant. Almost like a cat purring but much, much scarier.

''I don't take orders from you.'' I was now behind Paul, staring at his back muscles as they twitched under his tight shirt.

Oddly fascinating.

Then I smelled him again. The dreams, the trees, the wind. I leaned closer, almost brushing my nose against his back.

Just get a fucking grip Arya. Don't sniff your enemies.

''Are you out of your mind? You're in the middle of a freaking shop.'' Jacob said and grabbed him by the shoulder.

Then the shaking started.

''Fuck off Black.''

''Oh hey Mr. Black have you seen my daughter?'' I heard my mom's voice. I panicked and pulled my hand away and this time Paul let me. I stepped away and inched closer to Jacob. Paul's eyes never left mine as I was standing close to Jacob. He stepped closer to me but then Jacob pushed him away.

''Arya there you are!'' Mom shouted and walked to me with Billy. ''Are you okay you look kind of pale?'' I pulled my sleeve down and nodded.

''Are you Arya's friends?'' My mom asked.

No mom they are not. Paul here is my tormentor from hell and he likes to growl. Jacob is just random guy from my school, I've never talked to him before but his smile is pretty.

''No.''

''Yes.''

Me and Paul said in the same time.

''Well nice to meet you I'm Arya's mom Anna.'' Both boys greeted her.

''Mom we should go.'' I whispered to her.

''What's the rush? Will one of you give Arya a ride to the bonfire on Friday?'' That's it. I waved at them and walked away. If they want to stay and have a nice little chat then don't wait for me to stay and watch.

I heard my mom shouting after my but I just kept walking. I didn't stop until I got to our car and leaned against it.

I wanted to scream; for the love of god make it stop, I'll do anything. I crossed my hands and leaned against the door. The clouds were dark in the horizon and wind was strong and cold. I pulled my jacket tighter around me and waited for the rain.

''Cold?'' I heard a husky voice. Paul was standing next to me again, too close for my liking. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and never look at me again.

But I couldn't.

I just stared at him. My mouth wasn't working and everything felt pointless. I shrugged and turned my gaze away. Running away from him doesn't work so maybe ignoring him does.

''Your wrists looked pretty bad.'' No shit Sherlock. No shit. Wonder why. Maybe because some asshole bruised them.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. He stepped closer and my plan crumbled into tiny pieces as I stepped back. It felt like I couldn't breathe, someone was tying a robe around my lungs and pulling it out of my chest. I wrapped my arms around myself so he couldn't grab my wrist.

''Arya.'' He said as a warning and stepped even closer. I was now trapped against a fence and him. He wasn't touching me; he only looked at me with his dark, dark eyes. Why does he want to touch me all the time? I'm not sure what he was thinking because he expression was unreadable.

Then it started raining.

''Arya come and help me!'' My mother shouted. She was carrying three bags of food and almost dropped one of them.

Paul stepped aside as I moved past him. My left side touched his arm and I suddenly had the urge to close my eyes and stay there. Then Paul stopped me by taking my hand and leaning closer.

''I'll see you around.'' He whispered and his hot breath almost caressing my ear. It sounded more like a threat. I pulled my hand from his and went to help my mom by taking one of the bags.

''Why did you leave like that? It was very rude.'' My mom didn't sound angry, she sounded concerned. Paul must have left because I didn't see him anywhere. My mom opened the doors and I slid in.

''I just had to get out.'' My mom nodded.

''So what's going on between you and Paul?'' What? Her eyes glinted and she was smirking. Nothing good happens when mom smirks.

''Nothing and he's not my friend.'' She laughed at me. I can't believe she thinks there's something going on.

''I looked like something was going on.'' We were almost at home. I wanted to go to my room and eat chocolate.

''Paul is a jerk.'' My mom parked the car and I opened the door.

''Oh so he is a bad boy.'' I groaned. Apparently my mom has a thing for bad boys.

Well let's be honest; who doesn't?

''Maybe you should go out with him then.'' I snapped and took the bag and carried it inside.

''Oh I couldn't.'' John was home and he was in the kitchen.

''Finally some food.'' He took the bag from me and put it on the counter. I took a banana and ran to upstairs.

I want to wake up from this nightmare.

* * *

**Don't resent me**  
**And when you're feeling empty**  
**Keep me in your memory**  
**Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest**

**Forgetting all the hurt inside**  
**You've learned to hide so well**  
**Pretending someone else can come**  
**And save me from myself**  
**I can't be who you are**  
**I can't be who you are**

* * *

**Okay I've been watching wayyyyyyyyy too much Gossip Girl...Chuck stole my heart and now he won't give it back to me... **

**Lol**

**I'll go and dream about him now.**

**Review**

**Yours**

**Lunar Deity**

**Ps. English is not my mother tongue so sorry about the mistakes.**


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